Diary of a Single Mom

Hello....

2010-02-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

Friday night was a great night! The kids and I met some friends at the bowling alley for Rock N Bowl. The kids had a blast! It was a great family night. After which Grandma took the kids home for me and the adults went out for a bit without the little people. It was nice to have a night off, even if it was only for a couple hours away from everyday responsibilities.
As a single mom people do not realize that for most of us mothering/parenting is a full time job ontop of the fact that we have to work for a living as well. So it was nice to get away for a few hours.

Like any single parent my days are about the kids. Homework, meals, laundry so they have clean clothes to wear, playing on the floor with Little Man, reading stories or watching movies. Driving to school functions or to playdates. Going to the school to drop off the forgotten flute, backpack or jacket. Among many more little and not so little things. I love this aspect of my life and I would not change being a mother (single or not) for anything. However, we all need a few hours to ourselves. I may not get it once a week or even once a month as a single parent, but when I do get it I enjoy it. Even if a small part of me is wondering if the kids are alright! :)

I think we single moms (or dads), especially those of us who are full time single parents should make it a goal to spend at least 30 minutes a day doing our own thing (of course for me this is either after they go to bed or during Little Man's nap time while the older ones are at school. This time could be spent doing your nails, pedicure, reading a book, or whatever it is that makes you happy and does not involve housework, work or parenting. :) Just make sure that the little people are safe for that 30 minutes otherwise your relaxing 30 minutes will not be all that relaxing! :)

Hope that all is well with you in your world!

Until next time....

2010-02-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here staring at a blank screen trying to think of something that I can put on here. Of course being a writer I know that a blank page is the best thing for creating writers block. They say never stare at one, just start writing and something will come to you.

Being single in general I think is a great thing. Being a single mom has some very trying moments. Something that feel close to what I imagine being suffacated with a pillowcase would feel like. Everything is up to you and everything is dependant upon just you. So if you screw up, then there is no one to take the blame with you, its just you. Then again when those little moments where one of the children make you proud you can take 100% of the credit....at least in my situation I can. I know there is a lot of good and with the good comes the bad. There is no way out of that, but looking at the good helps when the bad hits.

Hope that all is well with you all....

Until next time....

2010-01-26T18:19:00.000-08:00

There is always humor in your situation if you are willing to look for it. Sometimes it can be really hard to find. Luckily for me I have four comedians for children. What can be even harder is trying not to laugh at them with their knowledge of my doing so.

Tonight Steffy (aka Miss Drama Queen) was at the table doing her homework and talking about how her teacher is making her life miserable by making her doing alphabetizing. Her teacher only gives her this for homework, of course, only to make Steffy's life miserable and so that she fails the third grade. I mean I totally get this. From their she starts going on how she might as well not do it because she knows she is gonna fail the third grade! LOL. This went on and on and on and on for the length of time it took me to put the groceries away and get supper on the table. I tried (like any good mom would) to calmly tell her that Mrs G was not out to get her and got, "of course you take her side! Adults always take other adults side and the children are ignored." As if!

I love being a mom, but more importantly I love being my children's' mom! They make my life a lot more funnier than it would otherwise be!

Hope all is well in your world!

Until next time....

Lonelienss and Single mom status

2010-01-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

When I was a married stay at home mom, all the single moms told me that being a single mom was lonely. To some extent I find they are right, however, the majority of the time I find that I rather prefer it and its not all that lonely either. I have friends that I hang out with, and family that help out.

I can see where some might think its lonely being a single mom though. On the surface it looks like I am doing it all alone, and for the most part I am, and there is no one for me to "vent" too and that is true too. That is what I have this blog for, right? Right. Day to day life keeps me busy from the time I get up until the time I literally fall into bed at night. By the time I get the kids up, ready for school and out the door in the morning it doesn't dawn on me that I am doing this alone, as I did this alone when I was married. Now that I have to go to work, fit in homework time and dinner and the various other things I need to get done, things I never did before, I do not have time to realize that I am doing the job of both mom and dad.

My kids miss their dad, granted, but they are happy, healthy and very well adjusted children and that is more than I could have ever hoped for married or single. Our life works for us and even though there are things we would like to change (for instance Kira wanting her own room with a lock on the door), we have adjusted to our new roles and life.

Sure there are days and moments when I want to pull out my hair or lock my self in the bathroom and never come out (usually when they are all trying to kill one another) but it passes. Not to mention I know many married moms with husbands around to help, who feel exactly the same way I do occasionally and they even feel lonely at times. Imagine that! :)

Hope that all is well with everyone.

Until next time....

Happy New Year :)

2010-01-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

I know that I am late posting Happy New Year, but I do hope that everyone had a great holiday and a Happy New Year! I don't make New Years resolutions because they are doomed to fail. Have you ever made a resolution that you kept? Instead I make New Year Changes. Changes have a way of sticking better than resolutions.

So one new year change I am making is to make the children my first priority and spending more time with them. SO every saturday is dinner night out. Every other Friday is family game night and the other Fridays are Family movie night.
I also have decided to put their dad out of everyday conversation. To most people this sounds extremely harsh, but living everyday with them asking why he doesnt call or send them christmas presents is enough. Daddy started out being a really good dad but lately sperm donor status seems to be the new role he has decided to take on. He believes its my responsiblity to make them call HIM instead of him being the Dad and calling them. I wish I knew how to fix that situation, but I don't so instead I am resigning to asking them only once a week if they want to call him and if they say no, then that is the end of the conversation.

Why is it that it seems that men have no interest in their children unless they are there every day all day?

Anyway enough of that. Working and raising 4 children keeps me pretty busy. My goal is to have a place of our own as soon as possible. As a family we need our own space so that they can have their routines established and be themselves. Tired seems to be a permanent fixture in my life, but its worth it to have all my children with me and watching them grow up. Its sad that Matthew will be 3 soon and Kira will be 12 very shortly. I have no idea where the time goes.

Well now its time for me to go do the few things I have to do before getting ready for work! I hope that all is well with you all!

Until Next Time.......

random thought

2009-12-13T01:06:00.000-08:00

Even as adults we are always learning. It seems that no matter what we facw or learn we always seem to have learned a few things about ourself. You would think that by the time we hit 30 we would already know who we are and what we want.

i am still here

2009-12-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

Wow working and being a single mom is working on kicking my ass lol. Just wanted to let you know I was still around just busy.
Hope all is well with you all.
Until next time...

Yesterday@! UGH!

2009-10-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days where you wish it would just end already! It started off pretty good, I drank my coffee, read a couple of articles, looked at some ideas for my home business and got a blog in even...I do believe I did anyway lol.

After all that I got ready and dang it, my hair would not do anything so I finally sighed and shoved it all in a messy type bun. Then I went to the bank and that went ok except for the huge massive line that took ages in the drive through. At the grocery store I got stuff for dinner and went to see my grandma and came home. After I got here I realized yup I forgot the toothbrush and some other neccessary items.
While cleaning the house I broke one of my favorite mugs, my 11 year old dropped Little Man when giving him a piggy back ride (He is ok thank God!) The piggy back ride, mind you, that I told her not to do.
So then to top off my glorious day (did I mention I actually burned the rice a roni?) I drove to town to bring my little brother some Taco Bell and what do I do? Well at Walgreens where I went to get the toothebrush, I locked my baby in the car! Seriously! I put my purse and the keys in the front seat and proceeded to put Little Man in his carseat. Shut the door and discovered it was locked! OH MY! Thank God for AAA! They are so worth the money and since there was a baby locked in the car they made it a top priority and I only waited like 10 minutes for them to get there!

WHew! I have never been so glad to see a day end! Keeping my fingers crossed that today goes much much better!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Until next time....

Good Morning Readers

2009-10-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

Its a beautiful gloomy rainy morning here. Better than the snowy days in Canada haha. I have decided that every Monday morning I need to remind myself to count my blessings. Its really hard to see them throughout everyday life stuff. Especially when things seem to be going totally wrong. I do however have many blessings in my life, I just need to remind myself of that.

Blessings for today:

My 4 beautiful children, who bring me many joys (and of course some not so joyous occasions like when Little Man last night decided to spread lotion all over the suede couch)
My mother. There is nothing like your momma when things go wrong and you need a shoulder to "cry" on.
My children and I have a roof over our heads and no one is lacking for anything they need! (Except maybe my sanity and perhaps a day off)
My job, thought not my dream job its a paycheck and will help me pay the bills while I work towards starting my own business.
Last for the day, but definitely not last, God. The one I can tell anything to and he will forgove me no matter what I do.

Those are the blessings for this Monday morning. Some will probably be repeated often, however, that is because they are really important. Or maybe I will just keep the original list and just add to it every week! :) Well I am off to go enjoy this rainy day by removing the hill (was a mountain yesterday) of laundry that is left to do.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Until next time....

Be Present....

2009-10-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

I read an article this morning while having my morning coffee. In this article the author, Max Lucado, talks about being present. For instance when your children have a play at school, a soccer game, dance recital or whatever it is they do, go to it. Do not just say you will go to it, be present at the event.

This was kind of a wake up call for me, not because I don't go to these things, I do. As a single mom we are stretched beyond our abilities most days and the last thing we want to do is be present for anything other than sleep perhaps. We are phyiscally present, but are we emotionally present? Is our mind on the event or child? Or are we watching but thinking about bills, works, bill, tasks that need to be complete or whatever else there is to take the place of our child?

We do this job of parenting because we love our children. We want the best for them and its tiring! Down right friggen exhausting even. Especially of those that do not have much help from the ex because he lives over 3,000 miles away. Whoo hoo!

What about just taking time out to play with them? Read them a story? Today so far I have worked on a business plan, hugged a hurt child, got some laundry done and the bathroom cleaned, plus got my grandmother ready to go to the emergency room. Its only noon! I still have more cleaning to do, lunch and dinner to prepare and still more laundry to finish.

My goal for this week is to set aside a time for the kids. Family time. Every saturday afternoon is going to be reserved to go to the park, play games, watch movies or whatever else there is so that we are spending quality family time together.

What about you? Are you present? Hope all is well with you all!

Until next time....

Tired words from a mom! :)

2009-10-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

Wow! I swear these days tired should be my middle name. After picking up after the baby, household chores, errands, and various other tasks in a day I am asleep before my head hits the pillow at night.

My favorite dumb act of the day is going to walmart, getting everything BUT what I went their to get...diapers! LOL Of course, can not live without those so back into the car we all get, drive down to walmart and ARGH they are out of the size I need!Of course. They are a little big but I got the size up lol.

On the bright side I am reading a good book....Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks! Can not wait to add it to the Book review blog!

Hope all is well with everyone.

Until next time.....

Working mom vs. SAHM

2009-10-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

I was watching Dr. Phil today, or rather I was trying to while getting dinner on the table and helping with homework, his show today was about SAHM vs Working moms. I find this a tiring debate because there is no right or wrong side.

As women we should not be putting each other down for how we run our families. I have been on both sides of the fence and prefer to Stay at home with my little ones than being a working mom. That is just my opinion. I do not believe that my opinion is the be it and end all of the debate. Regardless of whether you work or stay at home, being mom is HARD and its TIRING. Whether you admit that or not...it is. One of the women on there claimed that judgement was God given and that she was going to judge....well I hate to tell her this, judgement is God only! God reserves the right to cast judgment, he does NOT hand it out on a platter for us to judge. Not only that, but how can we judge one another when we ourselves are not perfect and also when we have not lived in the other persons shoes. God reserves judgement for himself and himself alone.

As a SAHM I spent my days taking the children to the library, gymboree, the park to friends houses for playdates. That is the fun side. I also had to manage to do laundry, make meals, clean the house and the many other chores and things that any mom has to do. I also had to make a schedule so that things would run smoothly, not that they always did. The downside to being a SAHM is that there is minimal adult interaction or conversation. Our job is our home and therefore we are there 24/7. Some days we want to pull our hair out because, and yes I am going to say it, our children drive us crazy! The constant bickering, the fighting, the messing up of each room as you go to the next room to clean or just the sheer stubborness that can come with each child. At the end of the day the last thing I wanted to do was baths and bedtime lol. Believe it or not my ex would complain about bathing the children.....yes he worked but I was working with them FULL time! We did put them to bed together and I do miss that. Now a days I just fall in to bed! :)

As a working mom I tried hard to be organized and keep a schedule but it was difficult with childnre who were not used to doing a lot around the house. Even so I still had to go to the store, do the bills, clean the house, run errands, leave work to pick up a sick child, have teacher conferences and soo soo much more, but on top of this I had to go to work. At the same time, I got a break from the children for 8 hours knowing that even though they were not in my hands, they were each in capable and caring hands. This made it a bit easier, but I would rather be the one to take care of them full time.

As women we are our own worst enemy. We berate ourselves for working because we are not with our children, but we also berate ourselves for not working (outside the home) because we feel we should be contributing to the family income (even though by not working we are saving ourselves a fortune in childcare costs)

Life is hard enough....stressful enough......and painful enough! Lets enjoy the life we have, lets support each other instead of putting each other down for our values and opinions. Women should be supporting each other, not pulling each other down! Neither side is right and neither side is wrong. I thought terrorists were bad, but our friend on Dr. Phil today is just as bad. She gives us SAHM's a bad name but what is even worse is that she put down all working moms regardless of their situations. Not to say that any working or nonworking mom should be put down but let's face it some moms work because they have to for the well being of the family, not because they want to.

And guess what....I think that if a child is loved, cared for and in a happy home environment, he or she will thrive just fine in this world. Everyone's values are different but not better than anyone elses.

Until next time....

Book Review Blog

2009-10-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

I started a new blog for book reviews!

www.coffeypage.blogspot.com if you are interested. It will be a blog about the books I read. When I am done I will post a review of the book. I will also be starting a childrens book review blog in the next couple of days.

Enjoy. Until next time...

Just a hello!

2009-10-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog I just wanted some place to vent my frustrations, and I still do. At first I have always kept some kind of a journal in one form or another. However, I thought this might be better, as I am probably not the only one out there going through all this crap! :)

(Little man is crying...BRB)

Ok so now that I have Little Man back to sleep I forgot where I had been going with this thought haha.

It has been a very very long day and I am sure that somehow tomorrow will be just as long or longer! So I am going to end here for now and if my thought comes back I will write it down to post it tomorrow!

Until next time....

Busy week past and ahead!

2009-10-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Whew I had a busy week last week and didn't get to post as much as I wanted to. Plust I read 3 James Patterson books. The man is a brilliant writer! I only hope I can write as well as he does. So anyway, I am still waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. (Did I post that I had had an interview?)

Ultimately I would like to work from home. That is my goal and I have been working hard to make that goal a reality. I am looking into the business registration process and what I need to do get that done. I have also been planning my website and what kind of content that I want on it. I have been writing a business plan which takes up most of my time when I am not running around doing mommmy stuff, or taking care of my grandma who came home unexpectantly yesterday.

One of the blogs that I read does a "What I learned this week", which I just learned about, and I had been thinking of doing something like that on this blog, but what I am planning to do is on the last day of the month blogging about what I learned about myself and life. Due to all the many many things going on lately I do not thing that I would be able to do it weekly. Of course now I am going to have to remember to write down what I learned as I learn it. HAHA. Another thing I am thinking about doing is starting a book club. I LOVE to read and I think it would be a lot of fun to get together with others who are reading the same book. I would like to do it from home, but first I have to find a house to move into lol!

So how is everyone else this week? Hope that all is well with you and I am heading into another week full of business planning, taking care of Grandma, and playing mommy! I have designated weekends as family time as I will be working from 3pm to 11, so on the weekends I will not be blogging or checking emails! :)

Until next time......

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs....

2009-10-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

I took Little Man to see this movie. It was pretty funny and a whole lot strange. The end of the movie scared Little Man I believe. He did not like when the Brent character (who by the way is totally disgusting LOL) got swallowed by one of the Man eating chickens! All in all thought it was a good movie. The underlying tone of the movie is to accept people for who they are.

The parent child relationship is a complicated thing as it is. When the parent does not understand the child he or she is raising it makes it that much more complicated. As a mom (and let's face it, I can not really speak for Dad's out there because I am not one) I love each of my children unconditionally and for who they are. Each one has a (VERY) unique personality and even though (especially) with my oldest there is a lot that I do not understand about her, I accept that she is who she is and love her for being able to be just that.
Probably one of the hardest parts of parenting, whether a single parent or not, is to help your child become their own individual self. All children tend to want to follow the trends and be like everyone else. Bug, is one of the few children I know that wants to fit in, but wants to fit in as herself. Its hard to teach our children the value of being themselves and not trying to be someone they are not for other people. I seem to have managed this with the older 3 and hopefully will accomplish this for Little Man.

Until next time...

Oh My! I have seriously lost it....

2009-10-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I never had it to begin with! However one little mistake turned into a HUGE mess. Of course I could have left well enough alone, probably should have. SO what happened? Well I apparently sent a request to my ex's girlfriend asking to follow her twitter.....UGH! The last thing I wanted to do. Lord knows I have no interest in their life.

So what turned out to be an innocent, and it was innocent, curious reply from her asking why I would want to, I turned into the psycho ex, letting everything I have held back for the past two years out. Having taken psychology I know that holding things in, is bad. One of the reasons I started this blog. I mean I let everything out. Which of course as we all know never makes us feel better, if anything it makes us feel worse.

I am just tired. Really, truly and utterly tired. I am tired of all the bullshit I never thought would come if my ex and I got divorced, then again, I truly never thought we would get divorced. As mad as I am, I am not really mad at her. Sure she should have left a married man alone and backed off.....instead of telling me to back off my own husband, but the truth is, he should have been man enough to do the same. To be man enough to come to me and tell me he was having issues and we needed to work them out. Instead I got all the blame for everything that ever went wrong in our marriage including him losing his job and never bothering to find another one.

Ugh. Perhaps in the future I will learn to just keep quiet LOL!

OO and I did update the blog page with a new background. I hope you enjoy it!

Until next time....

Lovely Blog award

2009-10-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

I recieved this blog award from 3 Peas and Me. I noticed today that there is a comments section to the blogs, so I was checking them out. Thank you for the award! :) I do not have many blogs that I am currently following, but I plan to spend this week looking up some more blogs to follow. I love reading them and catching up while I drink my coffee in the morning. The news is all about Obama and his new healthcare or other miserable news no one really wants to start their morning off with.

I do have a few ideas that I am thinking about doing with this blog that I will be working on in the next week or so as well. I will post a follow up blog today for the blog I decide to award this to.

Until next time....

Children ramblings!

2009-10-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

While I think up a title for this post I will just write it, and perhaps the title will come. I swear as I go around cleaning the house, the little people I call children are sneaking around behind me messing everything up. I am sure they have it choreographed to a T! haha. One looks on to tell the others when they are about to be spotted and the rest create chaos and wreak havoc on the clean surfaces of my home! ARGH! Our significant others and friends as well as the family we have, all wonder why we go gray early... it's easy....our children!!! Nothing ages you or grays you, like the pitter patter of little feet dumping legos, spreading out barbie clothes or putting handprints on my crystal clear clean windows!

Have you ever stepped on one of those little legos that are for 8 years and older? OWIE! Well as much as that hurts try stepping on the mega blocks! Whoo talk about pain! haha! Its amazing! With all the child proofing and making toys kids safe and friendly did no one stop to think hey maybe we need to make them mom step on friendly? I mean what little kid actually goes around cleaning up their toys when they are done? Not many for sure, which means that out little people's feets are not gonna be standing on them, ours are!

Well its off to bed for me and my sore feet!

Until next time...

Ramblings of the night! :)

2009-10-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

I am a little overtired these days, but that seems to be my normal state of being these days. Its amazing really how a few years can change the very core of who you are. I knew the divorce would not be easy and that we would all have to make adjustments.
I was talking to a friend of mine who may be going down the same road soon. While we were discussing her situation, the similarities struck me as "deja vu" like.
My husband and I got married when I was 18, same as she and her husband. We think that at 18 we automatically grow up and become adults. As if somehow we have lived enough to know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with this one person, even though our life is just beginning. At 18 we should be looking forward to college and hanging out with our friends and going to parties, not walking down the aisle and changing diapers.
Even so, at 30 I did not see my self alone raising my children with no help from the man who helped bring them into the world. The man who started out as a devoted father and loving husband is now nonexistant and distant. Certainly not the man I married and wanted to be with forever.
At first it made me sick to think that he could give up his family for someone woman who was pathetic enough to play the, "I love you so much, its making me sick and putting me in the hospital game". That he has given up nothing and I gave up everything. That he spent his 20's doing the college thing and hanging and I missed out because I loved him enough to not need that. It made me mad that we started this family together and I ended up being responsible for it alone. I mean what kind of woman goes after a married man with four kids and btw who is jobless? Either way, I am glad that he is out of my life because apparently he doesnt know what family and commitment means and who needs that? Not to mention that The reason I do this is for these children I brought in to the world. Because being a mom is not what I am it is who I am. Its hard, extremely so at times to do this alone, but in the end it will be well worth all that we have gone through and all that we will go through.
So even though at times I may feel some anger for the man who put us all here, it goes away and all I feel is sadness for the man who is missing out on o so much. Our first baby girl is going to be in jr high next year! Watching her grow up and become the woman she will be is fascinating and remarkable. All of them are changing every day and there is nothing in this world I would miss that for. Nothing and certainly not for anyone.

Until next time...

2009-09-29T15:14:00.000-07:00

It is amazing that the power a song can have over you. How listening to one song can bring back all the emotions, heartache, misery and love of the past and present can hit you all at once. As I was folding laundry the song, 'Hard Habit to Break' by Chicago came on. The first chours is:

"I guess I thought you'd be here forever"
another illusion I chose to create.
You don't know what you got til its gone
and I found out just a little too late"

When you sign up for I do and happily ever after "forever" is what you thought you'd get. "For better or worse, til death do you part". I thought my marriage was the real thing. That no matter what happened between my husband and I, we'd always be together. Like the song says, I thought my husband was lucky to have me, truth is we were lucky to have each other...in the beginning. As time went on I was a firm believer that he was lucky I stayed, and he was. No other woman would have stayed through what I did. As many have told me that much.

The song goes on to say,

"You found someone else you had every reason,
You know I can't blame you for running to him,
Two people together but living alone.
I was spreading my love to thin"

When you are in any kind of relationship it should be completely over before you find someone else. Of course that is not always the way it works. We all need someone to talk to and someone who will listen to us when we are hurting or just need a shoulder. The question I have always asked is, 'Why was that someone not me?' I believed my ex when he told me that I was a horrible wife and all the hurtful accusations he threw my way. As I said in my earlier post if you label a person they believe it. Take it to heart and carve that wording in stone. I know that I had a part in my marriage ending. I do blame him for turning to her and I blame her for letting him, but now I know it was not my fault.

The song talks about it taking a lot to get used to the fact the other person is no longer there and that its hard to let go. After 10 years of living with someone is does take a long time to get used to living alone. As a single parent it's even harder because while you are dealing with your loss you are dealing with theirs too.

A part of me will always love my ex, but I know that I am not in love with him anymore. I know that my life is better off without him in it. It has taken a lot of heartache, anger and crying to get over the failure of my marriage and I have done just that. You can blame the other person for the ending, but the truth is I would have done everything in my power to keep our family together, but I had no way of knowing how miserable he was because he never told me. When someone is telling you that You are the best thing that happened to him, that he loves you soo much and that no one or nothing could ever replace you in his heart, you believe him. Now I know that at the same time he was telling me all this, he was telling her that too. Sick.

Its also funny the things that come out after a relationship ends. I always thought my marriage was a perfect as it could get without being 100% perfect. I thought we were in love and wanted the family we had to always be together. What I found out is that every female that entered our house was my potential replacement. As much as that hurt, it made me realize that no, all the blame was not mine. Some of it for sure is, but most of it was his. I did not come to this conclusion lightly or because I want to place the blame on him. Unfortunately for him and myself this is the truth. My marriage was nothing, other than the ring and the piece of paper it was not even real. I loved a man who knows nothing about what it means to love someone else and commit yourself to them.

Hope you all out there are having a good day.

Until next time....

Labels

2009-09-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

With each day that passes I am getting much better at the single mom routine. There are still times when I wish there was someone else that could do some of the errands, cleaning, cooking and other random things that need to be done. I have always sympathized with moms who were raising their children on their own, but I now have a more hands on look into what they go through in a day.
Every day is a struggle to remember why I am doing this. Not because I have to, because lets face it, most of us have the option of letting the other parent do this job. I do this because I love my children and that is the only reason I do this. I do not do it to piss of my ex, (although some days that does seem like a bonus). I don't do this because the law requires me to, or they will take them away, (another good incentive to do it of course). I want the best for my children regardless of the "broken home" label that is placed upon our family now.
The thing with labels is that children (and even us adults) take them to heart. We believe the labels that other people put on us. Someone says, "you will amount to nothing because you did not have a father in your home" you believe it so you do not work hard to get anywhere for fear "they" were right. Labels, even though you can not see them, touch them or smell them, can hurt and cause damage to us. When you say to your child, "Your such a clown" it seems like an innocent comment at the time, but really what does that tell your child, especially if they hear it over and over again? It could tell them that they are silly and that is all they are. It tells them that they are not able to be serious. Being silly is ok and even good for children, but making that something they are only capable of is not.
Even a label that seems like it could be a good thing for a child can do damage. IQ tests and scores seem like a great thing. They tell you what your child's potential is. This seems like a great thing right? However, if that is all you talk about with your child then they know you expect them to reach that potential. Then the child starts to think, well what if I can not do it? What if something I do (which could be something great) causes everyone to take this "gifted" label away. At the same time, a child who scores extremely low on this IQ test, may be made (unintentially hopefully) to feel stupid and that there is no way they can ever amount to anything.

The lesson to learn here I guess, is that we should be careful how we talk to or about, our children. Even when you think they are not listening, they are. They take everything we say to heart. Life is about growing and learning, not about about fear of failure, fear of not living up to an expectation or worse yet, living up to a negative expectation.

Well I now must make my second trip to the school.
Until next time....

I love Mondays!

2009-09-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

Most people you will talk to hate Monday mornings as it signals the end of the weekend and having to go back to work. Monday is like the morning, it's a new beginning. A brand new week filled with possibilities. Normally I am not an optimisitic person, however, I am learning that being on the pessimistic side all the time is not as much fun.

This morning, I am drinking my coffee and listening to my two year old playing with is truck that he likes to ride instead of push, around the house. I love the peacefulness once the older 3 are off to school and the baby is just happily playing or watching his choo choo show. (Thomas the Tanke Engine).

Of course now that my coffee is almost gone it will soon be time to get up and go run errands and plan tonights dinner. The joys of being mom! There is nothing I love more than being Mommy. I know there are people out there who have children and hate every second of it. I think its great to watch their four different personalities develope and see how they grow into themselves. Soon I will be a mom to a pre-teen and entering a whole new era of parenthood....the dreaded teen years. I look forward to every challenging minute of it. Not say that there are not days where I want to wring their little necks for dragging mud through the house I just cleaned, or painting the bottoms of their feet and hands with craft paint and making footprints on the floor and handprints on the wall...Yes that really happened.

Each phase of parenting brings a whole new set of challenges and learning experiences. I tell my 11 year old daughter all the time that she is the one I get to make all the mistakes with and learn from for the other 3. To which she will reply with, "Yup, and I get to make mistakes too so that you can learn from my mistakes for the other 3". She is quite the character.

Well my coffee is gone and its time to get started on those errands.

Until next time....

Turning 30!

2009-09-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

Wow! 30! So I turned 30 years old on the 22nd of Sept. Do I feel old enough to be 30? No not really. Am I sad that another decade of my life has come and gone, and did not end as I expected it to? No, because that is life. It means that I am living and all the ups and downs, hard times, good times and special moments are just that, life.

Looking back I realize what I do not want to repeat and what I need to improve upon. I know what I want out of life and what I do not. When I got married I was too young to know what life is all about. I knew that my family was important to me, but what I wanted out of life beside that, I had no clue about. I know I made mistakes and I acknowledge them, but I also know that no matter what if my ex had loved me at all, he would have taken the time to work out the issues we had. So as the day of our would be 12th anniversary comes to end, I can say with absolution that I am passed all that.

Its a great feeling to be over all the misery of the last 2 and half years. It feels good to not be filled with hatred and anger for my ex or her. I might no be including them in my Christmas card list any time soon, but I do not hate them anymore. I am free to live my life and do what I want with it.

We all have choices to make and in the end how our lives turn out is up to us. Of course there are "life interferences" that do happen and change the course of our life, but ultimately it is up to us. The only things we have no control over are how we come into the world, how we leave the world (unless suicide is the end), and what others do to us. Mistakes are to be learned from, not to obsess over. Even I have trouble with that one. Failure to me is unacceptable so when I do fail, I take it pretty hard. Like the end of my marriage, at first I gave myself all the blame. If only I had done this more, or if only I had done that more....truth is I was partly to blame, but then so was he. I need to spend the next 30 years learning not to blame myself for everything that goes wrong.

One other thing I am learning is that there are people we need in our lives and people we need to let go. No matter how hard it can be to let go (and Lord knows it can be extremely painful), these people are not going to benefit us in anyway. Hanging on is just a way to keep from failing, or to keep from feeling alone. Its not easy to let go or even to know when to let go. I need to work on that as much if not more than, anyone. We all know deep down the people we love and need to hang onto just as much as we know the people we love and need to let go of. Good luck on that one!

I do not have all the answers, but what I do know is that I love my children and for now, that is all that matters. So I will end here for now. Sunday, the end of a week and the beginning of a new one! LOL. Time to make sure that everything is ready for tomorrow!

Until next time.....

New outlook on life

2009-09-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

Hello,

Recently I posted on my facebook page that I was considering standing on my head to gain try and gain a new outlook on life. My theory was that perhaps if I stood on my head I would be able to see things in a different light.

Being a single mom is tough. There are days I lie in bed trying to decide if it is really worth it. As a mom we have the toughest job around, but as a single mom the job responsibility is double. While I was sitting on the porch this morning watching my toddler run around the yard it came to me. I do this, not because I have to, but because these children are the most important part of who I am. They are the reason I get up in the morning and continue on.

Last night my uncle called to tell us that my cousin had a nervous break down, while I did sympathize with her, I was shocked. She has no children to be responsible for, no other responsibilities except her and her husband. I kept thinking if I have not had one yet certainly there is no reason for her to have one. That's when I realized every situation is different. I have 4 great reasons to get up in the morning. Four perfect excuses for going on and making the most of the day and our life.

There were days during and after the divorce I wondered if this was all really worth it. Did I do the right thing? Am I still doing the right thing? I question every move I do, whereas before I got divorced I never really questioned any of it. The answer is simple, I do what I have to do. I do what is best for my children.

My new outlook on life did not require me to stand on my head, all it required is watching my son run around the yard pushing is jeep while making "vroom vroom" noises. My new outlook is this: Life is too short to second guess my decisions and too short to sit on my ass all day feeling like a failure due to an ended marriage that for the most was nothing worth crying over. Yesterday is over, today is a new beginning and tomorrow is something to look forward to!

In the end it will all work out. Until next time.....

Lisa

Busy Busy Busy

2009-08-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

You have to love Vacation Bible School, it teaches the children good values, they have fun and it gets them out of your hair for 3 hours a day for a week. Not to mention all the things I can get done in that 3 hours! :)

Its been a busy day and other than driving this is the first time I have gotten to sit all morning. Jogging in the morning is great for energy and some peaceful quiet time alone with just my thoughts. Of course this leaves me with some sore thighs and legs.

I only have a few minutes as there is still lots to do before the "family" barbecue tomorrow. The joys of being a single mom! No time for anything but having to do lots of things.

Until next time....

2009-08-10T10:24:00.000-07:00

Coffee is probably the best invention known to man. Computers and technology all great things, but coffee, coffee is the best.

I am starting to really like jogging in the mornings. I find that on the days that I do not go, I have less energy than on the days that I do go. VBS starts this week. 3 hours a day for 4 days with no kids...whatever will I do with myself. Don't get me wrong, I love having the kids around, but entertaining children all day gets nothing done. Groceries with the kids in tow is difficult and takes so much longer than if I went on my own or with just the baby.

Time to get the kids ready for back to school. Imagine, cleaning the house and it staying clean most of the day. Its a great thing. Fighing will be kept down to a minimum. Of course that means taking the darling buggers shopping for shoes, backpacks and clothes. Fighting with the oldest over her clothes, compromising over shoes and trying to explain to my 3rd grader why the non-disney backpack is better than the disney one.

Well time to get on with my day...Until next time....

Another Day Ending Above Grass = A Good Day

2009-08-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Another day ends with me standing above the grass. A doctor I worked for once told me this was a good thing...I tend to agree.
I heard a song on the Radio today and I thought it was pretty good advice wise. A guy was complaining to his friend about the "crap" going on in his life, and the other friend says, "sounds like life to me". This is true. Life is about the little things and the big things that happen in life.

Today was a pretty productive day and a somewhat relaxing day. My mom took care of the kids for awhile and cleaned the house while I went out to hand out resumes and visit my grandma at the hospital. We had a good visit, and then I came home and we watched Hotel for Dogs, with the kids. Tomorrow is another somewhat busy day. Shopping with my cousin. So I am off for the night.

Until next time...

2009-08-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

Good Morning...

I am getting a late start this morning. Have you ever tried to sleep in with a two year old demanding cereal? Not easy. Then I had to clear the toys and socks off my chair so that I could actually sit down to the computer. Whew, I am already tired!
Looking through the list of things I need to get done, well ok had I made a list it would be quite long. Laundry, cleaning, groceries, and getting the kids ready to go back to school. All quite fun items.
Thank God for coffee! So I woke this morning with this strong urge to shake my ex-husband and ask what could possibly be going through his mind? No one ever said divorce was going to be easy...at least not on my end. I try every day to remind myself not to be bitter and not get angry all over again, but it is hard. I mean why do the men get off easy? At least in my situation he does. He has no responsibilites, well the kids aside. He gets to sit on his bum all day and play on the computer, while the girlfriend takes care of his every need.
Do I want someone to pay my way through life? Heck no! I mean really, doesn't that give that person way to much control over your life? Hello? Why give someone that?
I want this blog to be fun, but lets face it, being a single mom is not really a bunch of laughs and giggles, but I am going to try. Occasionally there will be some venting, but we all need that. As single parents we do not have a partner to vent to and so this is my way of making sure, that it does not get taken out on my children...who are the last people to deserve it.
Due to my late start this morning, I need to get going...no jog in today but hey its been to hot for that lately anyway. I am sure thought that I can find many excuses not to have to go jogging in the morning, like the blankets fell to the floor and I have to wash them today...no jogging. O well I have to run...well not literally but run just the same.

Hello!

2009-02-27T09:41:00.001-08:00

Hello! Welcome to my little corner of the blogging community. I started this blog earlier this year, but was not sure my voice wanted to be heard. I mean I am a novice at best in regards to being a single mom, so what sage advice and pieces of wisdom can I really offer to others who may be more seasoned than I.
Then this morning I had a thought. I was sipping my morning coffee/cappuccino combination, (I like to call it my morning Coffuccino), and I realize that its not about wanting to have my voice heard but more about needing a place to share, vent and write about what its like daily to be a single mom.
So for this first blog post, (revised new first blog post), I am just going to tell you a litte bit about this Coffucino drinking single mom.

I grew up in Sunny California and moved all the way to Canada, 3500 miles away from my family, for the one I loved. Just picked up, moved and gave in to the belief that happily ever after actually exsisted and that I had found it. WOW the ideals of a seventeen year old. Twelve years, four children and one divorce later I find myself back where I started at. Talk about your major setbacks!
In September, a mere 49 days away, I will be 30 and I have backstepped twelve years. Or so it seems to me.

I love to write, its almost something I have to do and not something I just want to do. As a writer, reading is part of that love. In fact my love of writing began with my love of reading as a child. I also love to scrapbook, photography, gardening and cooking. Learning new things is a part of life and I am eager to learn all I can.

As I mentioned earlier, I am a single mom to four amazing children, who no matter how much I love each of them, stress me out from time to time. My oldest is Kira aka bug, aka Kirabou, who is 11, Help me I am heading to the teen years! Alexander, aka Alex, aka Mister Man is 10. Stephani, aka Steffy, aka Pookie is 8. Matthew, aka Little Man, aka Buddha is 2. There is nothing I would not do for these children of mine. Except perhaps letting them run around dressed like Brittany Spears.

Well as I finish up my coffee for now I will end here for now.

Until next time....(which may be later today)

Lisa