When I started this blog I just wanted some place to vent my frustrations, and I still do. At first I have always kept some kind of a journal in one form or another. However, I thought this might be better, as I am probably not the only one out there going through all this crap! :)
(Little man is crying...BRB)
Ok so now that I have Little Man back to sleep I forgot where I had been going with this thought haha.
It has been a very very long day and I am sure that somehow tomorrow will be just as long or longer! So I am going to end here for now and if my thought comes back I will write it down to post it tomorrow!
Until next time....
Monday, October 12, 2009
Busy week past and ahead!
Whew I had a busy week last week and didn't get to post as much as I wanted to. Plust I read 3 James Patterson books. The man is a brilliant writer! I only hope I can write as well as he does. So anyway, I am still waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. (Did I post that I had had an interview?)
Ultimately I would like to work from home. That is my goal and I have been working hard to make that goal a reality. I am looking into the business registration process and what I need to do get that done. I have also been planning my website and what kind of content that I want on it. I have been writing a business plan which takes up most of my time when I am not running around doing mommmy stuff, or taking care of my grandma who came home unexpectantly yesterday.
One of the blogs that I read does a "What I learned this week", which I just learned about, and I had been thinking of doing something like that on this blog, but what I am planning to do is on the last day of the month blogging about what I learned about myself and life. Due to all the many many things going on lately I do not thing that I would be able to do it weekly. Of course now I am going to have to remember to write down what I learned as I learn it. HAHA. Another thing I am thinking about doing is starting a book club. I LOVE to read and I think it would be a lot of fun to get together with others who are reading the same book. I would like to do it from home, but first I have to find a house to move into lol!
So how is everyone else this week? Hope that all is well with you and I am heading into another week full of business planning, taking care of Grandma, and playing mommy! I have designated weekends as family time as I will be working from 3pm to 11, so on the weekends I will not be blogging or checking emails! :)
Until next time......
Ultimately I would like to work from home. That is my goal and I have been working hard to make that goal a reality. I am looking into the business registration process and what I need to do get that done. I have also been planning my website and what kind of content that I want on it. I have been writing a business plan which takes up most of my time when I am not running around doing mommmy stuff, or taking care of my grandma who came home unexpectantly yesterday.
One of the blogs that I read does a "What I learned this week", which I just learned about, and I had been thinking of doing something like that on this blog, but what I am planning to do is on the last day of the month blogging about what I learned about myself and life. Due to all the many many things going on lately I do not thing that I would be able to do it weekly. Of course now I am going to have to remember to write down what I learned as I learn it. HAHA. Another thing I am thinking about doing is starting a book club. I LOVE to read and I think it would be a lot of fun to get together with others who are reading the same book. I would like to do it from home, but first I have to find a house to move into lol!
So how is everyone else this week? Hope that all is well with you and I am heading into another week full of business planning, taking care of Grandma, and playing mommy! I have designated weekends as family time as I will be working from 3pm to 11, so on the weekends I will not be blogging or checking emails! :)
Until next time......
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs....
I took Little Man to see this movie. It was pretty funny and a whole lot strange. The end of the movie scared Little Man I believe. He did not like when the Brent character (who by the way is totally disgusting LOL) got swallowed by one of the Man eating chickens! All in all thought it was a good movie. The underlying tone of the movie is to accept people for who they are.
The parent child relationship is a complicated thing as it is. When the parent does not understand the child he or she is raising it makes it that much more complicated. As a mom (and let's face it, I can not really speak for Dad's out there because I am not one) I love each of my children unconditionally and for who they are. Each one has a (VERY) unique personality and even though (especially) with my oldest there is a lot that I do not understand about her, I accept that she is who she is and love her for being able to be just that.
Probably one of the hardest parts of parenting, whether a single parent or not, is to help your child become their own individual self. All children tend to want to follow the trends and be like everyone else. Bug, is one of the few children I know that wants to fit in, but wants to fit in as herself. Its hard to teach our children the value of being themselves and not trying to be someone they are not for other people. I seem to have managed this with the older 3 and hopefully will accomplish this for Little Man.
Until next time...
The parent child relationship is a complicated thing as it is. When the parent does not understand the child he or she is raising it makes it that much more complicated. As a mom (and let's face it, I can not really speak for Dad's out there because I am not one) I love each of my children unconditionally and for who they are. Each one has a (VERY) unique personality and even though (especially) with my oldest there is a lot that I do not understand about her, I accept that she is who she is and love her for being able to be just that.
Probably one of the hardest parts of parenting, whether a single parent or not, is to help your child become their own individual self. All children tend to want to follow the trends and be like everyone else. Bug, is one of the few children I know that wants to fit in, but wants to fit in as herself. Its hard to teach our children the value of being themselves and not trying to be someone they are not for other people. I seem to have managed this with the older 3 and hopefully will accomplish this for Little Man.
Until next time...
Monday, October 5, 2009
Oh My! I have seriously lost it....
Perhaps I never had it to begin with! However one little mistake turned into a HUGE mess. Of course I could have left well enough alone, probably should have. SO what happened? Well I apparently sent a request to my ex's girlfriend asking to follow her twitter.....UGH! The last thing I wanted to do. Lord knows I have no interest in their life.
So what turned out to be an innocent, and it was innocent, curious reply from her asking why I would want to, I turned into the psycho ex, letting everything I have held back for the past two years out. Having taken psychology I know that holding things in, is bad. One of the reasons I started this blog. I mean I let everything out. Which of course as we all know never makes us feel better, if anything it makes us feel worse.
I am just tired. Really, truly and utterly tired. I am tired of all the bullshit I never thought would come if my ex and I got divorced, then again, I truly never thought we would get divorced. As mad as I am, I am not really mad at her. Sure she should have left a married man alone and backed off.....instead of telling me to back off my own husband, but the truth is, he should have been man enough to do the same. To be man enough to come to me and tell me he was having issues and we needed to work them out. Instead I got all the blame for everything that ever went wrong in our marriage including him losing his job and never bothering to find another one.
Ugh. Perhaps in the future I will learn to just keep quiet LOL!
OO and I did update the blog page with a new background. I hope you enjoy it!
Until next time....
So what turned out to be an innocent, and it was innocent, curious reply from her asking why I would want to, I turned into the psycho ex, letting everything I have held back for the past two years out. Having taken psychology I know that holding things in, is bad. One of the reasons I started this blog. I mean I let everything out. Which of course as we all know never makes us feel better, if anything it makes us feel worse.
I am just tired. Really, truly and utterly tired. I am tired of all the bullshit I never thought would come if my ex and I got divorced, then again, I truly never thought we would get divorced. As mad as I am, I am not really mad at her. Sure she should have left a married man alone and backed off.....instead of telling me to back off my own husband, but the truth is, he should have been man enough to do the same. To be man enough to come to me and tell me he was having issues and we needed to work them out. Instead I got all the blame for everything that ever went wrong in our marriage including him losing his job and never bothering to find another one.
Ugh. Perhaps in the future I will learn to just keep quiet LOL!
OO and I did update the blog page with a new background. I hope you enjoy it!
Until next time....
Lovely Blog award
I recieved this blog award from 3 Peas and Me. 
I noticed today that there is a comments section to the blogs, so I was checking them out. Thank you for the award! :) I do not have many blogs that I am currently following, but I plan to spend this week looking up some more blogs to follow. I love reading them and catching up while I drink my coffee in the morning. The news is all about Obama and his new healthcare or other miserable news no one really wants to start their morning off with.
I do have a few ideas that I am thinking about doing with this blog that I will be working on in the next week or so as well. I will post a follow up blog today for the blog I decide to award this to.
Until next time....
I noticed today that there is a comments section to the blogs, so I was checking them out. Thank you for the award! :) I do not have many blogs that I am currently following, but I plan to spend this week looking up some more blogs to follow. I love reading them and catching up while I drink my coffee in the morning. The news is all about Obama and his new healthcare or other miserable news no one really wants to start their morning off with.I do have a few ideas that I am thinking about doing with this blog that I will be working on in the next week or so as well. I will post a follow up blog today for the blog I decide to award this to.
Until next time....
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Children ramblings!
While I think up a title for this post I will just write it, and perhaps the title will come. I swear as I go around cleaning the house, the little people I call children are sneaking around behind me messing everything up. I am sure they have it choreographed to a T! haha. One looks on to tell the others when they are about to be spotted and the rest create chaos and wreak havoc on the clean surfaces of my home! ARGH! Our significant others and friends as well as the family we have, all wonder why we go gray early... it's easy....our children!!! Nothing ages you or grays you, like the pitter patter of little feet dumping legos, spreading out barbie clothes or putting handprints on my crystal clear clean windows!
Have you ever stepped on one of those little legos that are for 8 years and older? OWIE! Well as much as that hurts try stepping on the mega blocks! Whoo talk about pain! haha! Its amazing! With all the child proofing and making toys kids safe and friendly did no one stop to think hey maybe we need to make them mom step on friendly? I mean what little kid actually goes around cleaning up their toys when they are done? Not many for sure, which means that out little people's feets are not gonna be standing on them, ours are!
Well its off to bed for me and my sore feet!
Until next time...
Have you ever stepped on one of those little legos that are for 8 years and older? OWIE! Well as much as that hurts try stepping on the mega blocks! Whoo talk about pain! haha! Its amazing! With all the child proofing and making toys kids safe and friendly did no one stop to think hey maybe we need to make them mom step on friendly? I mean what little kid actually goes around cleaning up their toys when they are done? Not many for sure, which means that out little people's feets are not gonna be standing on them, ours are!
Well its off to bed for me and my sore feet!
Until next time...
Friday, October 2, 2009
Ramblings of the night! :)
I am a little overtired these days, but that seems to be my normal state of being these days. Its amazing really how a few years can change the very core of who you are. I knew the divorce would not be easy and that we would all have to make adjustments.
I was talking to a friend of mine who may be going down the same road soon. While we were discussing her situation, the similarities struck me as "deja vu" like.
My husband and I got married when I was 18, same as she and her husband. We think that at 18 we automatically grow up and become adults. As if somehow we have lived enough to know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with this one person, even though our life is just beginning. At 18 we should be looking forward to college and hanging out with our friends and going to parties, not walking down the aisle and changing diapers.
Even so, at 30 I did not see my self alone raising my children with no help from the man who helped bring them into the world. The man who started out as a devoted father and loving husband is now nonexistant and distant. Certainly not the man I married and wanted to be with forever.
At first it made me sick to think that he could give up his family for someone woman who was pathetic enough to play the, "I love you so much, its making me sick and putting me in the hospital game". That he has given up nothing and I gave up everything. That he spent his 20's doing the college thing and hanging and I missed out because I loved him enough to not need that. It made me mad that we started this family together and I ended up being responsible for it alone. I mean what kind of woman goes after a married man with four kids and btw who is jobless? Either way, I am glad that he is out of my life because apparently he doesnt know what family and commitment means and who needs that? Not to mention that The reason I do this is for these children I brought in to the world. Because being a mom is not what I am it is who I am. Its hard, extremely so at times to do this alone, but in the end it will be well worth all that we have gone through and all that we will go through.
So even though at times I may feel some anger for the man who put us all here, it goes away and all I feel is sadness for the man who is missing out on o so much. Our first baby girl is going to be in jr high next year! Watching her grow up and become the woman she will be is fascinating and remarkable. All of them are changing every day and there is nothing in this world I would miss that for. Nothing and certainly not for anyone.
Until next time...
I was talking to a friend of mine who may be going down the same road soon. While we were discussing her situation, the similarities struck me as "deja vu" like.
My husband and I got married when I was 18, same as she and her husband. We think that at 18 we automatically grow up and become adults. As if somehow we have lived enough to know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with this one person, even though our life is just beginning. At 18 we should be looking forward to college and hanging out with our friends and going to parties, not walking down the aisle and changing diapers.
Even so, at 30 I did not see my self alone raising my children with no help from the man who helped bring them into the world. The man who started out as a devoted father and loving husband is now nonexistant and distant. Certainly not the man I married and wanted to be with forever.
At first it made me sick to think that he could give up his family for someone woman who was pathetic enough to play the, "I love you so much, its making me sick and putting me in the hospital game". That he has given up nothing and I gave up everything. That he spent his 20's doing the college thing and hanging and I missed out because I loved him enough to not need that. It made me mad that we started this family together and I ended up being responsible for it alone. I mean what kind of woman goes after a married man with four kids and btw who is jobless? Either way, I am glad that he is out of my life because apparently he doesnt know what family and commitment means and who needs that? Not to mention that The reason I do this is for these children I brought in to the world. Because being a mom is not what I am it is who I am. Its hard, extremely so at times to do this alone, but in the end it will be well worth all that we have gone through and all that we will go through.
So even though at times I may feel some anger for the man who put us all here, it goes away and all I feel is sadness for the man who is missing out on o so much. Our first baby girl is going to be in jr high next year! Watching her grow up and become the woman she will be is fascinating and remarkable. All of them are changing every day and there is nothing in this world I would miss that for. Nothing and certainly not for anyone.
Until next time...
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